How to Find Connection When You Really Need It (2023)

No matter what you're going through at the moment, connecting and communicating with others is the key to living well, especially if you're struggling with an illness, depression, addiction, the loss of a loved one, or even just loneliness. For this reason, it's important to know what to do and where to look when you need to talk.

Trying to bury your feelings, grit your teeth, and go it alone are never effective. In fact, your emotions and feelings are there whether you talk about them or not. Difficult emotions are not going to simply go away just because you ignore them.

But if you make the effort to talk to another person, you may be able to release some of the tension and negativity that you're experiencing and feel better.

This article takes a closer look at the benefits of talking to others and how to find people to talk to when you feel alone or isolated.

Press Play for Advice On Dealing With Crisis Fatigue

Hosted by Editor-in-Chief and therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares strategies for dealing with crisis fatigue. Click below to listen now.

How to Find Connection When You Really Need It (1)

Follow Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts

Benefits of Talking to Others

Finding someone to talk to not only provides connection, comfort, and understanding but also offers opportunities to talk about shared experiences as well as prevent feelings of loneliness and isolation.

Stress Relief and Friendship Building

Consequently, talking to another person relieves stress and helps build friendships and connections.

Talking things over with other people also aids in decision-making and provides an avenue to process your thoughts and feelings. Talking also exposes you to new perspectives and ideas and helps with problem-solving. In fact, there are a number of powerful psychological benefits to talking.

According to research from UCLA, talking can diminish the response of your brain's amygdala, which initiates the "fight or flight" response when you're feeling intense emotions like fear, anxiety, or aggression.

(Video) Want a Deeper Connection? Let Down Your Guard (Matthew Hussey)

As a result, when you get stressed out or overwhelmed, this part of your brain takes control and can even override your more logical thought processes.

But researchers noted that by using "affect labeling," or talking through your experiences and processing what happened, you can override the amygdala's response and cope with your feelings in a more effective way.

Friendships May Add Years to Your Life

Additionally, research suggests that having strong social ties, or people you can talk to, is linked to a longer life. In contrast, social isolation and loneliness are linked to depression, poorer health outcomes, and risk of premature death.

Additionally, having a variety of social relationships may help reduce stress as well as heart-related risks. So, it's important to find people you can share things with.

Too many times, though, people are reluctant to reach out to others to talk despite the many benefits. Either they allow fear and shame to keep them silent, or they simply don't know how to reach out.

Other times, they allow work or family obligations to get in the way of any type of real connection with others. And before long, they feel lonely and isolated and like they don't have anyone to talk to.


Having someone to talk to has important physical and mental health benefits, but there are sometimes obstacles that make it harder to find a confidant.

How to Find Someone to Talk To

If you're like most people, you may assume that you have no one to talk to, especially if you live far from family, are single, or don't have a best friend. But that couldn't be further from the truth.

In fact, it may really be easier to find someone to talk to when you really need it, if you know where to look. Here are some ways you can find someone to talk to.

Make a List of Social Connections

When you start thinking about who you might be able to open up to, start by making a list of your social connections. Include people you know from a variety of situations like family members, friends, Facebook friends, and even co-workers.

Then, try to determine who on your list is not only emotionally intelligent but also emotionally skilled. Typically, people with these skills tend to be much easier to talk to because they are empathetic. Once you have a list of possibilities, reach out to them and invite them for coffee or to go for a walk.

(Video) 5 Ways of Checking Internet Connection - is REALLY Down? | How to Get Started in IT

It's important to note that you may have to take it slow with newer relationships. You may not be able to talk about your deepest feelings right from the start of a new friendship. With time, though, you can build trust with one another and start sharing more intimate details about your life.

Building a list of social connections is not ideal if you're in a crisis and need to talk to someone right away, but it is an important part of building a support system.

How to Cope With Loneliness

Join an Online Forum or Chat

During those times when you feel like you need to talk with someone right away, you might want to consider an online forum or chat with a group tailored to your needs.

Aside from providing you with people who understand what you're struggling with, you also have the option of sharing details anonymously.

Sometimes people really appreciate the immediacy of an online forum or chat. Plus, communicating online can help take away any apprehension and help people with social anxiety relax and share.

Participate in a Support Group

One way to build your support system is to join a support group. Whether it's an online group or a group that meets in person, both options provide you with a network of people who can relate to what you're experiencing.

There, you will be able to get the support and understanding that you need as well as offer support to others in similar situations.

Work With a Therapist

Whether you need to discuss a mental health issue, want help managing your stress, or just need to find ways to be more mentally healthy, a good therapist can help you make sense of your feelings and emotions.

Therapists can help you develop healthier coping mechanisms and may even be able to provide input on how to build a support network.

(Video) If You Recognize These Signs, You Have An Unexplainable Connection With Someone

If you don't have insurance or if your insurance doesn't cover mental health services, some counselors and therapists work on a sliding fee scale.

You also may want to check out online therapy providers as well. In addition to being more conducive to busy schedules, sometimes these options are more affordable too.

Get Help Now

We've tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of the best online therapy programs including Talkspace, Betterhelp, and Regain. Find out which option is the best for you.

How to Pick the Right Therapist for You

Participate in a Group

A great way to make connections and meet new people is to join a group. Once there, you will meet people with similar passions and desires and you may be more likely to meet someone with whom you can build a lasting friendship.

Plus, attending regular meetings and events with the group provides the opportunity to socialize and have a casual conversation.

Contact a Hotline

If you are in crisis, it's important to get help right away. For this reason, never hesitate to call a hotline. Regardless of your need, there are crisis lines with trained advocates to help you.

Many times, they will listen and chat with you for as long as you need. Whether you want help with drug addiction, domestic violence, an eating disorder, or even thoughts of suicide, there are people available to talk almost any time of day.

If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact theNational Suicide Prevention Lifelineat988for support and assistance from a trained counselor. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.

(Video) How to avoid rejection and get connection: Marisa Peer at TEDxGoodenoughCollege

For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.

Visit a Place of Worship

Churches, mosques, and synagogues are a great place to find someone to talk with. Often, religious leaders are more than happy to talk with people in crisis or in need. So, you may want to look to your local church or synagogue as a possible resource.

Even if you don't have a religious affiliation right now, you may want to pursue different options and see if there is a place of worship that fits with your values and beliefs.

In fact, research has shown that people who attend religious services regularly have a greater number of social ties and connections. They also tend to report more positive social interactions and benefit from regular attendance than those who attend less frequently.

What Is Spirituality?


Having someone to talk to is vital to your physical and emotional well-being. While there might be barriers that make it more difficult to build connections, there are steps you can take to improve your social support system.

Reconnecting with people you already know, seeking new connections online, talking to a mental health professional, or calling a help hotline are all options you might consider depending on your needs.

A Word From Verywell

It's not uncommon to feel like you have no one to talk to. In fact, everyone feels that way at least once in their life. You don't have to be alone to feel that way either. You could feel alone and isolated at a party, at work, in your home, or even while spending time with friends.

The important thing is that you make an effort to build a support system of people that you can turn to when you need to talk. Ideally, this support system will be comprised of friends and family members as well as trained professionals and others with similar struggles. In time, feeling like you have no one to talk with will seem like a distant memory.

The Best Online Help Resources for Depression


How do you know if you're forcing a connection? ›

Do you both care more about the relationship than about being right? Or do you struggle with communication, hold onto resentment, and feel like every fight could be the end of the relationship? If your closeness doesn't bounce back after arguments, you might be forcing the connection.

How do I find a deep connection with someone? ›

Building Deeper Connections with Others
  1. Practise Active Listening. ...
  2. Listen to the Feelings Behind the Words. ...
  3. Give and Receive Honest Feedback. ...
  4. Be Willing to Nurture Relationships. ...
  5. Be Ready to Give. ...
  6. Always Be Open to New Relationships.
Jan 22, 2020

What is stonewalling in a relationship? ›

Stonewalling, one of the Four Horsemen, is Dr. John Gottman's term for one or both partners shutting down when feeling overwhelmed during conflict. Rather than confronting the issue, someone who is stonewalling will be unresponsive, making evasive maneuvers such as tuning out, turning away, or acting busy.

How do I tell my partner I need more connection? ›

11 Ways to Tell Your Boyfriend You Need More Attention
  1. 1 Address the issue calmly and politely.
  2. 2 Say what you want directly.
  3. 3 Use “I” statements.
  4. 4 Explain how specific situations affect your feelings.
  5. 5 Make one request at a time.
  6. 6 Ask him if his needs are met.
  7. 7 Compromise on a solution.
Feb 15, 2022

How do I know if we're not meant to be? ›

If you develop a strong dislike for the other person over time despite loving them, that's among the bold signs you're not right for each other. It's time for things to change when you don't want to be around someone and do everything to avoid going home when the day is done.

How do you test if someone is into you? ›

Here are the typical signs someone is attracted to you:
  1. They lean in.
  2. They tilt their head as you speak (a sign of engagement).
  3. They smile at you.
  4. They make eye contact with you.
  5. They reach out and touch your arm, hand, back, or leg.

What questions build intimacy? ›

50 questions to build emotional intimacy
  • What do you think your younger self would think of our relationship?
  • What have you learned about relationships from your parents?
  • When was the last time you cried?
  • Have your friendships taught you anything about romantic relationships?
  • What does 'work-life balance' mean to you?
Jul 23, 2021

How do you recognize your soul mate? ›

If you are in a trusting, positive friendship with your SO, that's an amazing sign!
  1. Being with them feels like home. ...
  2. You balance each other out. ...
  3. You respect each other's differences, but agree about the important things. ...
  4. You challenge each other. ...
  5. You can totally be yourself. ...
  6. You fight for the relationship.
Aug 29, 2022

What does a real connection feel like? ›

An emotional connection is a feeling of alignment and intimacy between two people that goes beyond just physical attraction, having fun together, surface-level conversations, or even intellectual similarities. Instead, it feels like you're connecting on a deeper soul level—and feel secure connecting that deeply.

What is a backburner relationship? ›

According to the study, a back-burner is “a person to whom one is not presently committed, and with whom one maintains some degree of communication in order to keep or establish the possibility of future romantic and/or sexual involvement”.

What is bulldozing in a relationship? ›

'Bulldozers are people whose aggressive behaviour often intimidates you, the person you wish you could stand up to but feel you haven't got the confidence or the know-how to deal with. People who behave in this punchy, aggressive way are out to get their own way regardless of what other people think, do or say.

What are the four horsemen in a relationship? ›

The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. Being able to identify the Four Horsemen in your conflict discussions is a necessary first step to eliminating them and replacing them with healthy, productive communication patterns.

How do you fix a lack of connection in a relationship? ›

Relationship Repair: 7 Ways to Regain Your Intimacy and...
  1. Connect with Each Other Several Times per Day. ...
  2. Ramp Up Physical Touch. ...
  3. Pretend It's a First Date. ...
  4. Try Something New Together. ...
  5. Retell Your Story. ...
  6. Unplug to Connect. ...
  7. Speak Highly of Each Other.
Mar 12, 2019

How do you tell someone your needs aren't being met? ›

How to Talk to Your Partner About Your Needs
  1. Pick an appropriate TIME. ...
  2. Find something to PRAISE. ...
  3. Focus on HOW YOU FEEL first. ...
  4. Then state WHY. ...
  5. Clarify your NEED. ...
  6. Make a REQUEST or INVITE them to solve the problem with you. ...
  7. THANK them for listening. ...
  8. ASK them if there is anything more they'd like to talk about with you.
May 11, 2021

How do you express your needs without being needy? ›

To avoid getting stuck in this neediness, practice being calm and clear. Look beyond the anger and defensiveness. Approach your partner from deeper emotions and try writing down what you really need. If you're hurt because you're lonely, then tell your partner directly that you need some time together.

How do you know if it's worth fighting for a relationship? ›

How Do You Know If Your Relationship Is Worth Saving?
  • Your Partner Won't Give Up on You. ...
  • You Can Be Vulnerable With Them. ...
  • You Both Understand That We're All Just Human. ...
  • You Still Care. ...
  • You're Still Best Friends.

How do you know if you should be with someone? ›

How to know if someone is right for you
  1. You're willing to risk it. ...
  2. You don't fear the relationship. ...
  3. They don't hold you back. ...
  4. You fit into each other's lives. ...
  5. You don't want to snoop. ...
  6. They don't want to change you. ...
  7. You feel safe and secure. ...
  8. You want to work on your relationship.

How do you test someone if he likes you? ›

How To Tell if a Guy Likes You
  1. He is touching you.
  2. He remembers small details about you.
  3. You two are social media friends.
  4. He gives you eye contact.
  5. He makes an effort in the conversations you have.
  6. He's using “alpha” body language.
  7. He asks if you have a boyfriend.
  8. He gets jealous when you talk to other guys.
Dec 29, 2022

What body language shows a man is attracted to you? ›

Eye contact is one big indicator, as well as frequent smiles and laughter. An open posture and facial expression are also signals of attraction. Acting fidgety or nervous, or blushing and getting sweaty palms, is also a sign that someone is attracted to you.

What body language shows a guy in love? ›

Look for signs like sustained eye contact and dilated pupils. Typically, this means that someone has feelings for you. Watch for subconscious grooming, like when he touches his hair or fixes his tie. Pay attention to whether or not he mirrors your own body language.

What does a strong connection feel like? ›

An emotional connection is a feeling of alignment and intimacy between two people that goes beyond just physical attraction, having fun together, surface-level conversations, or even intellectual similarities. Instead, it feels like you're connecting on a deeper soul level—and feel secure connecting that deeply.

How do you tell if someone is forcing themselves to like you? ›

6 signs he's forcing himself to love you
  1. He asks if you want a break. ...
  2. He avoids difficult topics because he doesn't want to make you mad. ...
  3. You're the one that initiates everything. ...
  4. He was desperate to be in a relationship when you met. ...
  5. He's unusually emotional. ...
  6. He tries to change normal things about you.
Nov 21, 2017

How do you know if you're forcing yourself to be in love with someone? ›

One way to know you love your partner is when others don't attract you, even if they are flawless. In a forced relationship, however, you will constantly feel tempted to cheat on your partner. If you eventually do, you won't feel remorse about it. That is a sign that you are forcing yourself to love someone.

What does a strong connection look like? ›

Some signs of such a fulfilling relationship are that both partners support each other, listen, do things together, and are each other's priority. Having such a relationship can help you feel accepted, have a sense of self-confidence, and enjoy a secure bond.

What builds a strong connection? ›

Five ways to build strong relationships
  • Have open and honest communications. Good relationships rely on good communication, whether it's face-to-face, on the telephone or email. ...
  • Develop people skills. This means your ability to relate to others. ...
  • Respect and appreciate others. ...
  • Accept support and be supportive. ...
  • Be positive.

Why can't I stop thinking about them? ›

If you are unable to stop thinking about someone, you most likely have 'anxious attachment'. You might push and pull in relationships to get a break from the anxiety they cause you. But if the other person leaves, you panic.

How do you connect with someone emotionally? ›

How to get more emotionally intimate with someone
  1. Work on being an engaged listener. According to Samra, communication is the bedrock of building trust. ...
  2. Problem-solve difficult feelings. ...
  3. Leave your comfort zone. ...
  4. Create a safe space. ...
  5. Don't rush the process.
Jan 28, 2021

What are red flags when you like someone? ›

Red flags in a relationship include excessive jealousy and frequent lying. You should also be wary of a partner who frequently criticizes you or puts you down. Another major red flag is an unwillingness to compromise — relationships shouldn't be one-sided.

How do you tell if he's faking it? ›

So, here are 20 eye-opening signs he's faking his love for you.
  1. He doesn't consider you as a priority. ...
  2. He wants a secret relationship. ...
  3. Too much PDA. ...
  4. You don't know your place in his life. ...
  5. He doesn't think of you in his spare time. ...
  6. He doesn't want to talk about your future together. ...
  7. He respects you and your opinion.
Aug 13, 2021

How do you know if you're in love or just want attention? ›

Signs you just like the attention

If you're only talking to them for attention, Wood says you might notice the following red flags: You feel anxious without their time or attention. You're emotionally unavailable, and you keep your guard up. You don't know much about them beyond the surface (and you don't care to).

When should you admit to someone you love? ›

While men tended to consider confessions of love acceptable after about a month or so, women tended to say it was better to wait 2 to 3 months or so. Confessions of love generally inspired feelings of happiness, but men felt more positive about confessions that happened before the relationship became sexual.

What causes lack of emotional connection? ›

Conditions might include personality disorders or attachment disorders. Emotional detachment could also be the result of acute trauma or abuse. A healthcare professional may be able to see when you're not emotionally available to others.

What makes a man feel connected to a woman? ›

In plain language: Men often feel most loved by the women in their lives when their partners hug them, kiss them, smile at them, and explicitly offer gratitude, praise, and words of affection. Men also feel loved and connected through sexuality, often to a greater degree than women do.

How do you make a man emotionally attached to you? ›

Share your feelings with him, both positive emotions and negative ones. Create a space where he knows it is safe to share his feelings with you. Authenticity and vulnerability foster emotional connection and bonding.


1. 6 Signs You Have An Unexplainable Connection With Someone
2. making friends when I love to be alone - how I find connection
3. The Vital Gallbladder-Thyroid Connection
(Dr. Eric Berg DC)
4. How To Find A Mentor: 6 Unexpected Secrets To Connect With The Best
(Marie Forleo)
5. How to find a spiritual connection | Radhanath Swami | TEDxSquareMile
(TEDx Talks)
6. LinkedIn: How to Connect Like a Pro
(Jeff Su)
Top Articles
Latest Posts
Article information

Author: Kieth Sipes

Last Updated: 04/05/2023

Views: 5337

Rating: 4.7 / 5 (67 voted)

Reviews: 82% of readers found this page helpful

Author information

Name: Kieth Sipes

Birthday: 2001-04-14

Address: Suite 492 62479 Champlin Loop, South Catrice, MS 57271

Phone: +9663362133320

Job: District Sales Analyst

Hobby: Digital arts, Dance, Ghost hunting, Worldbuilding, Kayaking, Table tennis, 3D printing

Introduction: My name is Kieth Sipes, I am a zany, rich, courageous, powerful, faithful, jolly, excited person who loves writing and wants to share my knowledge and understanding with you.